its really fine

I miss you,

And not in a “it’s one in the morning, I’m so lonely, looking through old pictures” kind of way.

I miss you,

In a “my friends are all laughing, and so am I, but somehow you still haven’t left my mind” kind of way.

I miss you,

And not in a “someone asked me how you were today and I realized I didn’t know the answer” kind of way.

I miss you,

In a “nobody has brought you up in months, but I still tell stories about you” kind of way.

I miss you,

And not in a “it’s Valentine’s Day and I’m alone” kind of way.

I miss you,

In a “you did well on a test and I want to be the first person you tell” kind of way.

I miss you. I don’t just miss the idea of you. I miss you.

voicemail one 3.12.14// Hey baby, I’m sorry I’m running late. I should be home in an hour. I can’t wait to see you. I love you so much. I’ll see you soon.

voicemail two 3.23.14// I came home today and all your stuff was gone… You didn’t even leave a note.. You just left… Please come home. I’m so sorry for whatever I did.. I know I can fix this, just please pick up the phone. I love you..

voicemail three 3.31.14// Its been a week since you left and I still haven’t heard anything from you. My friends are starting to worry about me.. I haven’t slept since you left… I’m sorry I keep calling, I just need to hear the sound of your voice. I love you baby… I’m sorry..

voicemail four 4.14.14// I went out to the bar tonight. I needed to do something to numb all this pain. A guy started dancing with me, his hands were all over me and I burst out crying on the dance floor. His hands didn’t feel like yours, they were too smooth, too soft, the opposite of yours. I can’t keep doing this, all these sleepless nights are killing me. Please come home. I need you…

voicemail five 5.2.14// I saw you today… You were with some girl and you looked so happy… She was so pretty with her blonde hair and soft voice. She’s nothing like me… WAS I NOT GOOD ENOIGH FOR YOU? IS THAT WHY YOU LEFT? TELL WHAT TO DO AND ILL DO IT! TELL ME HOW I CAN FIX THIS! THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT I CAN SAY THAT WILL BRING YOU BACK! I NEED YOU BACK!… Please pick up the phone. Baby I’m so- *beep*

voicemail six 7.10.14// I called you earlier and you actually picked up. I was so shocked that I didn’t say anything and you hung up. You sound exactly how I remembered, I forgot how much I missed hearing your voice. I’m guessing you didn’t look at the call display, that’s why you answered because if you had known it was me you wouldn’t have picked up. I mean it’s been four months and you’ve only just picked up. Everyday I’ve been wondering if you miss me at all. If you miss making me laugh or holding me. I’m sorry for everything. I love you.

voicemail seven 8.22.14// Have you listened to any of these? If you do, do you smile when you hear my voice? Do you say I love you back when i say it? Do you find yourself wanting to call me back?… Probably not. Otherwise you would have by now.. I miss you.

voicemail eight 10.7.14// I know it’s late and you’re probably sleeping and I’m drunk as usual, but I needed to talk to you. My friends don’t even come around anymore, they say that I’m too depressed and they just can’t be around it anymore. They told me that I need to get some help, that it isn’t healthy to be this sad about a break up, but THEY DONT KNOW HOW IT USED TO BE!.. They don’t remember how you used to bring home pizza every Friday night or the first time you told me you loved me. It was a Wednesday morning, we were laying in bed and the sun was just coming up. You were staring at me and- *beep*

voicemail nine 12.24.14// You asked her to marry you. It was in the paper this morning. When I saw it I won’t say that I didn’t cry, I won’t say that I didn’t feel my heart break all over again. But I’m happy for you. I want you to be happy and if that isn’t with me then so be it. I won’t be calling again, it’s time to let you go. You’ve obviously moved on and I need to as well… I love you though, I probably always will.. Goodbye.

voicemail ten 2.17.15// Happy anniversary. I know I said I wouldn’t call again but I thought that since it was today I might as well just call. I hope- *beep*

voicemail eleven 2.17.15// *This number is unable to be reached. Please try again later*

voicemail twelve 2.17.15// *This number is unable to-

Don’t fall in love. Once you fall in love, you become attached. Your every waking moment is occupied with the thought of them and pretty soon you start to think of ways to spend every second of every day with them. You feel happy, at an all time high and everything is all sunshine and daisies and it’s the absolute best feeling in the world.

Until they leave.

Then suddenly the world you created comes crashing down. You start to feel down and there are constant rain clouds over your head. Your heart hurts like it’s never hurt before. What made you happy, doesn’t make you happy anymore. Nothing feels the same. Nothing IS the same. You’re not the same. And sometimes, you never will be. Don’t fall in love.